Sometimes i wonder, is love enough?

 

When you love someone, and care about them alot, does it ever overwhelm the urge to procreate or at least practice procreating with other people?

 

I want to settle down, have the house, car, children and wife.  Im just worried that i wont be able to do that cause i just want to keep getting my dick wet.  Pardon that phrase, but it illustrates my point if not too graphically.  Life is just meant to work, but i feel like im pushing a big arse rock up a hill and its getting steeper.  There are no models that i can shape my life on, as hard as i try to fit to a model it just makes me break it even more. I just want love, that i can be happy with, not love that i have to work for, feel bad for, keep forcing myself to adhere too.  When we get perfect and aren't happy with it, what do we do then???

 

Kill me now and save me and some other people alot of pain

The desire of my loins has become a backlight to the desire of my blood.  I still enjoy the occational squandering of innocence, although i don't feel the need to do that as often as i used to.  Maybe its my age, maybe its just my lack of interest.  But i smile when the occational beauty passes by and my urges are brought back.  Actually scrap that, its the lack of challenge.  When there is no thrill in the hunt anymore, then why hunt?  It is only a few that give me that feeling, but they are worth it.

 

It can be somewhat unpleasent to be forever.  But i have become used to it so it does not bother me anymore.  That unpleasentness is easily overcome by the first bite, all the warm washes away the black that is existence.  Black is overcome by red.  God i love red.  Ha, now there is a name we all know and love...

As the wind seethed past my lips like a velvet sheet, I stood atop a cliff with nothing but darkness below.  It was Friday night I think, not that days mean much anymore.  The sound of the deep blue meeting the great earth splashed up from the dark.  But I knew that even that huge mass of forgiveness would not cure what ails me.  Year upon year, hour upon hour, and my unrelenting life seemed to simply disappear by.  The night had become my best friend; it hid what I truly was.  The night, oh the night.  Memories slither across my mind, seeing all of those that came before my hunger, I smiled a little as all the thoughts and memories of blood came back to me.  The sweet caress of my lips would quell any previous worry, even as their flesh broke, not a word.  My mind revisited all of the places I had been, all the societies had seen destroyed.  Life, death, love, sorrow, loneliness.  Everything is nothing to me now.  When eternity turns into a lifetime, time loses meaning and so do all the things that are therefore dependant.  Nothing lasts forever, except for me. 

 

I wish I was alone in the world, and then I could feel justified in feeling this way.  The loneliness is nothing now, it is just me.  Maybe I could try again, over and over.  Like the many time before.  Maybe this time it will work.  This cliff is the place I most enjoy, the place I most visit in this land; it is the only place that still makes me feel alive, even though I past that point millennia ago.  I think I will try it again, just one last time, just like the time before and the time before that.  One last time.  I’m sure it will forgive me this time.  Everybody deserves forgiveness, or so it seems everyone except me.

 

Sleepless again.  I did not feed last night, i just enjoyed watching from the shadows, watch their movements.  Years seem like minutes now, eternity is along time.  The grey blur that it has become is only sweetened but the little treats my kind are aforded.  I didnt go out until late last night, i got such enjoyment out of sitting in the shadows and watching all the young ones walk past, and whispering voices into thier heads.  It used to be such a challenge to seduce them.  Now, sometimes, all it takes is a look.  I will have to feed again soon, im starting to get hungry.  It will have to wait until night though, sometimes, not very often mind you, i wish i didn't hold such an aversion to the sun.  It the pain wasn't so severe, i could stand it but alas it isn't so.